As cold metal scrapes its way through bubbling saliva and wraps around my tongue
I think to myself I will do this because I love him
Thick fingers curl themselves and firmly swathe leather straps
They tell me
move to the left
move to the right
(but mostly)
don’t move at all
I ask to please let go
Instead the deep voice once perceived as frail and humble
tears a hole inside of me
It reminds me of the time a Japanese soldier forced himself
inside a thirteen-year-old Korean girl
There were days I’d lay myself down and articulately organize
anything to make you happy
One day I woke up with a blistering wound underneath my skirt
It hurt
I was able to hold back tears when men came to me one by one, one after the other
I was able to stand firm when the sisterhood was broken by men’s slaughter
I was able to dout worry by smiling lies at my brother
While you stood there
watching them force their way inside
I did nothing
I was left there
frozen fragile broken
you did nothing
All of a sudden it came over me
as though I had been months alone in a drought eating the dryness of dusty heat
I let it fall
I let the pain manifest itself into an outpouring
For once
after five long years
I felt peace
The Word Mill 